Jacking the Box Office
If Hollywood movies were meant to represent real life there would be a lot less Botox and a lot more masturbation. But mainstream movies aren’t supposed to be like real life at all, so the sex we see on the big screen looks nothing like our actual sex lives, and masturbation is most often relegated to indie films and teen comedies.
Last year to celebrate May Masturbation Month I began this list of masturbation scenes in mainstream movies which has grown over the year thanks to many an enthusiastic reader submission. Have a look and think about celebrating May with little cinematic masturbation culture.
Read more - Masturbation in the Movies
Sue Johanson Signs Off
Sue Johanson, the much loved host of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson which aired for six seasons on Oxygen, signed off the air tonight for her final television show. All told she has been doing a call-in TV show for 32 years, first on a local cable station in Toronto, and then nationally across Canada before airing in the U.S.
Like most Canadians I grew up listening to Sue Johanson on the radio on Sunday nights. But I had a personal Sue connection as well. My father was a sex therapist and we lived in the same city, which was small enough, but even smaller when it came to sexuality professionals. Sue, always someone who wanted to promote the good work of others, would regularly recommend a small book my father had written on premature ejaculation.
I remember the first time I went for a walk with Sue, while I was working as a researcher on her Canadian show, the Sunday Night Sex Show. Knowing what an icon she was in Canada I expected the people that were stopping her on the street to say hi and tell her how much they loved her show and how thankful they were for her work. But I didn’t expect the intensity of affection. People shouted “I love you Sue” from down the street, from moving cars, and in one case from a balcony two stories up. Once her show started airing in the U.S. American audiences quickly came to treat her with the same love and affection (they also took to calling her “SueJo”, which Canadians found endlessly amusing).
For the past nine years I’ve worked for Talk Sex as their sex toy wrangler and occasional on air sex toy expert. Going to the studio to watch the show being taped live and being behind the desk with Sue was always so much fun and watching what happens behind the scenes during a live call in show was endlessly fascinating to me. It always felt like the hour passed within a few minutes. Sue, the producers and crew of the show were incredibly warm and funny and caring, and even though I would be there once or twice a year (my regular duties involved the much less glamorous task of coordinating the delivery of boxes of sex toys and books to the production offices) they always made you feel welcome.
Since Sue isn’t retiring, I’m glad to say I don’t have to miss her just yet. But I will miss seeing her on TV and knowing that for at least one hour a week people were getting honest answers to their sexual questions without embarrassment or titillation. However much we love Sue in Canada, I think the show was much more important, and much more needed in the U.S.
As she signed off Sue said there would be a hole for her every Sunday night, and I think that hole will be felt by all of us looking for a little sexual sanity in the sea of madness we find ourselves in these days.
Learn more – Talk Sex with Sue Johnson Official Website
Sex and Drugs: Will This Love Ever Die?
A European study published last week in the journal BMC Public Health reveals that a third of 16-35 year old males and a quarter of females surveyed are drinking alcohol to increase their chances of sex, while cocaine, ecstasy and cannabis are intentionally used to enhance sexual arousal or prolong sex. From a release about the study:
Overall, alcohol was most likely to be used to facilitate a sexual encounter, while cocaine and cannabis were more likely to be utilised to enhance sexual sensations and arousal.
Despite these perceived sexual “benefits”, drunkenness and drug use were strongly associated with an increase in risk taking behaviour and feeling regretful about having sex while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Thus, participants who had been drunk in the past four weeks were more likely to have had five or more partners, sex without a condom and to have regretted sex after drink or drugs in the past 12 months. Cannabis, cocaine or ecstasy use was linked to similar consequences.
So this is probably not news to anyone. I talk to thousands of people each year about their sex lives and most people say that they drank prior to most of their early sexual experiences, and many continue to do. The point the authors of the study want to make is not just that this happens, but that to address it public health initiatives must integrate information about sex and drugs in their work.
I would add to this that any truly comprehensive approach to this problem has to try and address the why question. Why are we all getting drunk and stoned just to make a connection and have sex? We know that too much alcohol or drugs actually makes the sex worse (and sometimes impossible to perform). And as this study clearly demonstrates it often leads to sex we later regret.
Is it that we don’t think we can ask for sex unless we’re high? Is it that we don’t feel were worthy of sexual pleasure and the drugs temporarily allow us to forget that? Is it that we’re all so tied up in knots about sex that recreational drugs don’t just offer social lubrication, but loosen the knots enough so we can actually connect with what we want and how we feel?
Related:
When Doctors Shouldn’t Ask About Sex
Whenever the topic of doctors and sex comes up, I usually argue that more doctors need to talk to their patients about sex. In particular I tend to think that having at least a few questions about sex on any intake form is a good thing.
A recent study, which notably included in depth interviews where the researchers had a chance to actually listen to the experiences of young Australian women, points out that there may be times when more sex talk is actually counter productive when it comes to protecting patient health.
The study, published in the BioMed Central open access journal BMC Infectious Diseases suggests that young women do not like talking about sex with their family doctors, and may be inclined to lie about the number of sexual partners they have if asked.
These findings are particularly important given the context of the research, which was looking into the introduction of routine Chlamydia screening into general medical practice. Currently a doctor will determine if Chlamydia screening is necessary based on a sexual history and an assessment that the patient is “high risk”. Of course the problem is that if patients lie about their sexual activities many young women who should be screened may not be. The young women interviewed favored Chlamydia screening based on age, where all young women of a certain age would be screened regardless of whether they report high risk behaviors or not.
Related – Talking With Your Doctor About Sex
Photo credit: George Marks/Getty Images
Regina Lynn Offers Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier
One might think that the most important element of any sex book is the information it contains. Not so. With thousands of sex books in print, and dozens (could it be hundreds…it feels like hundreds) more coming out each year it’s not the actual tips or techniques a book offers that will truly distinguish it; it’s the approach and tone of the author.
Regina Lynn, the long time sex columnist for Wired.com, author of The Sexual Revolution 2.0, and the newly hired sex newscaster for Playboy Radio, has a new book out which proves my point perfectly.
Sexier Sex: Lessons from the Brave New Sexual Frontier is a sweet, reassuring, and incredibly practical compendium of ways to spice up your sex life. The book is divided into eight parts with each section offering easy to follow answers to common and not so common sexual interests, including:
- How to Make Erotic Art with Cell Phones
- How to Delete Your Ex
- How to Have Cybersex
- How to Use Technology to Have More Time for Sex
But as great as her advice is, it’s Lynn’s philosophical orientation to sex, and the tone of the book which kept me glued to my seat (that was until I had to get up to try one of her suggestions). Sexier Sex is free of any hipster or sex-know-it-all attitude, it focuses on sex as a form of play, and it’s incredibly considerate of the fact that we don’t all have sex the same way.
After reading my way from “How to Buy Lingerie for Your Body Type” to “How to Cope When Your Video Sex Session Goes Public” I tracked down the author for a little tech sex Q & A.
Having just researched thousands of sex tips can you share your favorite from the book?
The best advice in the book is to use these lessons as inspiration and to let your imagination guide you. I've covered a wide range of things you can do, alone and with partners, but if I had tried to create an exhaustive list of every single possibility, I'd still be writing it. Sexier Sex is a practical handbook with actual sexy things you can do right now -- but it's also a gateway to expanding your sexual horizons in all directions.
You promise to show "women how to find greater sexual pleasure, intimacy, and adventure through creative use of modern technology". What if I'm useless with technology and/or not sure about being a woman?
If you can search for something on Google or make a call on a cell phone, you're tech-savvy enough for most of the lessons in this book. And if you're thinking that you'd like to become more comfortable with modern technology, what could be more fun than doing so in the context of learning how to be more romantic, playful and daring?
I aimed the book at women because I think women are more likely to turn to books to learn these sorts of things, and bring the new knowledge into their relationships with men.
I've never actually thought much about whether I'm writing for any particular gender, so it was interesting to see how it changed my writing from time to time, knowing that my publisher specializes in books by and for women. My Sex Drive column is published by a men's magazine -- do I usually write "for men"? I honestly don't know. But adults of any gender can get a lot out of Sexier Sex; the principles apply to everyone.
How did your writing change?
My Wired News editors get nervous if I start talking about 'relationships,' but I can say 'social networking' or 'social media' or 'web 2.0' to mean the same thing. But in the book, why, I could accept that people (including men!) have relationships, I could write about the full range of what sex means, from playful romp to Deep Meaningful Affirmation of Love and Commitment. No matter where you identify yourself genderwise, those are universal themes -- but a tech-culture publication like Wired.com doesn't want to stray too far into 'women's magazine' territory. It's all semantics, and rather hilarious when you think about it.
In this book and your wildly popular Sex Drive column for Wired.com you always seem to be able to write about sex and technology without losing the goofy, fumbling, human element. What's your advice to people who worry that technology will get in the way of their sex lives instead of adding to it?
Tech is just stuff. If you experiment with it and find it doesn't work for you, its feelings won't be hurt when you stop using it. I think if the tech is getting in the way, that's a Sign you need to heed. Certainly playing with technology can give you some insight into your true desires -- which can be uncomfortable at times. But it's not about keeping up with the Gateses or forcing yourself to use your mobile phone in bed because you think you're supposed to. It's about approaching sexuality with your imagination wide open and finding additional ways to bring joy to yourself and others, whatever that means for you.
What do you think is the most common misperception about sex and technology?
That sex-tech is new and automatically bad. Our fear of how people combine sex and tech is out of balance with the actual dangers. Humans have always invented technologies for sexual purposes and yet somehow we've managed to keep on connecting with one another, loving and lusting and mating and breaking each other's hearts.
Sexier Sex shows you some new steps in an old dance. None of our technologies today or tomorrow will ever replace human touch. (Except for a small percentage of people who want it to; and who are we to deny them that option?)
I think we've already integrated some technologies into our relationships so well that we've forgotten that just five years ago they were "technologies" and therefore scary. Not long ago, text messages were the boogieman out to destroy the last remnants of romance. Now we hardly bat an eye about texting but get nervous that our partners will prefer deep meaningful relationships with sex robots over dealing with us and all the normal human drama we represent. No sooner will we realize that sex robots are as important to modern relationships as washing machines and robot vacuums than we'll find something else to panic about -- perhaps zero gravity alien dancers streaming their erotic webcams from space.
Have you ever compared notes with an offline sex columnist? I'm wondering if the sex questions of tech savvy people are any different than those of luddites.
Tech savvy people tend to be more open to incorporating toys into sex, like vibrators and text messaging. They also tend to write me after they've done a lot of online research of their own. However, sex is sex, and the questions I get are fairly universal questions, albeit sometimes with a new slant: the affair might be in Second Life rather than at the office, or a person might have come out in a chat room and be asking for advice on how to do so to his family. Mostly, in the 1000s of people I've talked to over the years, it comes down to the One Big Concern: Am I normal?
Cover image courtesy of Seal Press
Arse Elektronika 2008: Critical Perspectives on Sexuality and Pornography in Science and Social Fiction
The folks at monochrome who brought us Arse Elektronika 2007 are back, asking the question on everyone’s mind: Do Androids Sleep with Electric Sheep? Check out their call for presenters, performers, and collaborators:
...this year's conference focuses on Science and Social Fiction. The genre of the "fantastic" is especially well suited to the investigation of the touchy area of sexuality and pornography: actual and assumed developments are frequently depicted positively and approvingly, but just as often with dystopian admonishment.In order to intelligently contextualize the abundance of queries that are involved here, this year's conference will be structured around three day-long discussion panels, each devoted to a specific theme.
The themes are Narration, Technology and Politics. On the site they say the deadline is May 2, but I’ve heard from one of the organizers that the final deadline is May 12.
Having heard so many good things about last years conference I can’t wait to see what comes out of this one. It’s rare to find an event that strives to engage sexuality in academic, artistic, and pornographic ways all at once. With the recent success of Sex2.0 and the announcement of a second Arse Elektronika, I’d say things are looking up.
Read more – Arse Elektronika
Image courtesy of monochrom
Another Reason to Love May
Thirteen years ago, with nothing more than a few photocopied pamphlets, a marketing idea, and a whole lotta moxie, a coalition of feminist sex stores began celebrating May as National Masturbation Month. The centerpiece of the month, what we might call the tent pole event, is the masturbate-a-thon, a charity fundraiser that has raised thousands of dollars for worthy sexual health and sex rights organizations.
Most of the sex stores have dropped the event, but there are at least two masturbate-a-thon’s still going strong; one in Portland and one in San Francisco.
I haven’t been hit up to sponsor anyone (yet) but to do my part and celebrate the other great thing about May (besides the weather) I’ll be featuring masturbation content all month and try my hand at tackling some of the big philosophical masturbation questions of our time.
Read more - Five Questions about the Masturbate-a-Thon
Sniffing Out the Truth About Testosterone and Female Sexual Satisfaction
Remember a few years back when there was a sudden flurry of media attention paid to a libido boosting nasal spray (the one New York magazine called “the first real, honest-to-God, horny-making, body-shaking, equal-opportunity aphrodisiac”)? And then last year the company that was developing the spray had its stock price plummet after the FDA said it had “serious concerns” about side effects. Remember when I said that New York Magazine’s “sex issue” probably wasn’t the best place to get information about sexual pharmacology? Well today I’m offering some preventative warning.
This time it’s a different drug, but same goal, and same method of deliver; the nasal spray. (as an aside, did some pharma marketing whiz stumble across data about boomers romanticizing cocaine? What’s with all these libido boosters you can snort?)
A study published this month in the Annals of Internal Medicine set out to measure how effective testosterone treatment is in improving sexual satisfaction among premenopausal women. The 16 week study took a group of 261 women between the ages of 35 and 46 and administered different amounts of testosterone (low, intermediate, and high doses) to three groups and a placebo to a fourth group. Among the findings, all the women, including those that got the placebo had an increase in self-reported “satisfactory sexual events” but the group that got the intermediate dose of testosterone showed a “significant” increase in satisfactory events (overall the increase represented 0.8 more sexually satisfying events per month).
Just as interesting as the study itself (which as the authors and journal editors point out, is too small to offer any generalizable information, and because of the strong placebo effect raises as many questions as it answers) is an editorial commentary by Rosemary Basson. Basson has been very involved in recent discussions and debates about how best to define sexual dysfunctions experienced by women, and she offers a helpful review of the newest research on testosterone and sexual desire. In her analysis the results of this study are “ambiguous” and using testosterone as therapy to treat female sexual dissatisfaction is “premature”. She reminds us of the lack of long term safety data, the concerns about a link between higher androgen levels and breast cancer and cardiovascular disease, and finally of the importance and efficacy of other types of treatment for sexual dissatisfaction:
I advise primary physicians to assess women’s sexual concerns in detail, then address mental health and relationship issues and any sexual dysfunction in the partner. Then, if necessary, schedule further follow-up to treat the issues by conventional therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, sex therapy, psychotherapy, and mindfulness techniques. The patient should understand the lack of long-term safety data if she is considering investigational testosterone
I hope that journalists who are always wowed by the PR magic that claims testosterone as the hormone of desire will take note of Basson’s commentary, and not just get excited about another dream of desire in a spray bottle.
Sources:
If You Bury Your Head in the Sand, Can You Hear the Elitists Screaming?
According to a Reuters report, after Republican Tennessee Rep. John Duncan reviewed testimony from the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Public Health Association, the U.S. Institute of Medicine, the American Psychological Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists all pointing to the failures of abstinence-only education to protect the sexual health of youth, he responded that,
it seems "rather elitist" that people with academic degrees in health think they know better than parents what type of sex education is appropriate. "I don't think it's something we should abandon," he said of abstinence-only funding.
It immediately made me think of the way The Daily Show has been dealing with is-Obama-elitist farce. And more seriously it’s painful to hear this stuff coming from the mouths of people we elected to represent us. If they think they know best, or parents in general know best, how do they explain the dismal STD rates, and the fact that the U.S. has the highest rates of unplanned pregnancies among Western countries?
Also the idea that parents somehow naturally know the right thing to do when it comes to sex education is a fiction. Why is there a multi-million dollar industry catering to educating parents on everything from toilet training to dealing with aggressive behavior? How come parents need help with everything other than talking about sex?
I understand that these politicians, just like almost all adults, just don’t want to think about their kids being sexual. And I understand that promoting abstinence only education allows them to bury their heads so deep in the sand that they can’t hear or see a thing. The problem is that our kids are paying the price now, and we all pay the price eventually.
p.s. if you’re an ostrich fan, my apologies for perpetuating the myth. I couldn’t find a picture of a politician with blinders on, so this had to do.
Read more - Reuters: Experts say sex abstinence program doesn't work
Previously - National Study Shows Comprehensive Sex Ed. More Effective ; Abstinence-only programs don’t help, but do they hurt? ; Is Sex Ed. Enough? ; What's Behind the Drop in Teen Pregnancy in the U.S.?
Photo credit: Digital Zoo/Getty Images
Sex Work on TV
TV is by its very nature a reductive medium. The best TV producers know this and consider it a challenge to rise to; how to make something complicated, thoughtful and even beautiful despite the ways executives want programming to look and the ways audiences expect it to passively wash over them. The worst producers know it too, but instead of creatively working through the medium, they rely on the effects of sound bytes and constructed images to avoid dealing with complication in their narratives, conflict that can’t be easily resolved or pesky things like journalistic integrity.
So it’s interesting to hear from people who agree to be interviewed for television because they are interested in the former kind of television but end up featured in the latter kind. Such was the situation for debauchette, who agreed to be interviewed for the Diane Sawyer anti-sex work diatribe 20/20 Special Report: Prostitution in America. As it turns out debauchette’s parents saw the show and despite production attempts to hide her identity they recognized her. Her post is a little bit about the show, a little bit about her parents, and all about her. Like many great blog posts it comes across as honest, messy, and not in any way meant to spoon feed her readers. Here’s one of my favorite parts where she is talking about how she feels about a note her mother sent her about the show:
In some ways, I feel the way I felt when I was sitting across from Sawyer. I feel like I can only sigh, because I doubt I can begin to penetrate the many layers of misunderstandings and preconceptions, let alone that relentless working assumption that a woman’s value as a human being decreases as she gains sexual experience. (Sawyer asked me about preserving the ’sanctity’ of my body, as though sex without the imprimatur of love were inherently degrading.). I’m glad my mother didn’t lash out in anger or patent disgust — what’s come across in her note is some mix of restraint, confusion, and extreme discomfort. That deserves some kudos, even if I still feel miles away from having a real conversation with her about this, which, unsurprisingly, is exactly how I felt when I sat down with Diane Sawyer. We just don’t see eye to eye.
The insight and honesty in the post stand in such stark contrast to the 20/20 show. It also makes evident the kind of richness of experience and depth of content TV producers could mine if they took the time to actually let people speak for themselves.
Read the entire post here - Debauchette - Boom